Twas the Week of Kickoff 2010

Twas the first week of the NFL season,
 and fans throughout the league,

Are eagerly awaiting kickoff,
 while girlfriends force them to watch reruns of Glee;

We’ll spend Thursday night in NOLa,
where the Saints will hoist the crown,

And plan to make the Vikes,
 find an ambulance to carry ole’ man Favre out of town;

On Sunday we’ll be in Chicago,
where Lovie’s at risk of being fired,

Facing a Lions team that has a 20 game road losing streak,
they want to see expired;

In upstate New York,
the Bills will host the Dolphins,

Just a few days after the Big Tuna
decided he’d rather be golfin’;

Jason Campbell will be under center
 when the Raiders invade Tennessee,

Where V.Y. hopes to get the Heisman
they’re going to take from Reggie;

The Panthers play the Giants
 in a game the G-Men really need to win,

Because losing at New Meadowlands Stadium
 will be a 1.6 billion dollar sin;

Batman and Robin head to New England
 where the Pats want a freshly inked QB,

An extension that has Randy Moss crying,
when are you going to resign me?

The Falcons get their running game back
 with the return of Michael Turner,

Against the Steelers Dennis Dixon
 whose filling in for a suspended Roethlisberger;

The Broncos meet the Jaguars,
each team hoping to settle a score,

Over which of these two pretenders
wasted their first round draft pick more;

Cleveland and Tampa are in Florida
 squaring off at the New Sombrero,

To see which team has the advantage
 of paying a first round draft pick more dinero;

Houston’s secondary is suspect
and Peyton Manning should have a field day,

Even better for the Texans,
this is the only game Bob Sanders is guaranteed to play;

Arizona travels to St. Louis
 for the weekend’s first afternoon game,

Both teams wish they still had Kurt Warner,
who’s waiting on the hall of fame;

Aaron Rodgers and the Packers
 are in Philly for a fight,

Where Eagle fans are liquored up,
enjoying Adios to McNabb Night

Donovan’s now in Washington,
he’s Mike Shanahan’s new toy,

While all of Texas is shouting
“How Bout Them Cowboys;”

Pete Carroll’s coaching in Seattle;
 he left L.A. to get out of dodge,

And for some reason Mike Singletary
 is mooning co-eds on the USF quad;

The Chargers play the Chiefs
 in a divisional showdown on ESPN,
While Baltimore tries to wreck the party
 when they pay a visit to the Jets new den;

Rex Ryan doesn’t seemed to worried
now that Revis Island is back in sight,

Which leaves all football fans screaming,
THANK GOD IT’S MONDAY NIGHT.